


The Incident Of The Trouser Snake In The Bathroom

by RebelDrFerguson



Series: In The Name Of Scottish Trouser Snakes [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: CRACK SMUTT, Dirty erotic nature, F/M, Sex Pollen, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelDrFerguson/pseuds/RebelDrFerguson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: I request a fic in which the Doctor and Clara do it for the first time and he accidentally knocks her out with his dick before they can get it on, make it as cracky as possible!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Incident Of The Trouser Snake In The Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WAS FIC REQUEST BY DREAMEATER1988 ON INSTAGRAM ABOUT THE EVIDENCE OF SCOTTISH TROUSER SNAKE THAT WAS ON THE LOOSE AND THE FACT EVEN A JOCKSTRAP COULDN'T HANDLE IT CRACK WAS BORN.  
> Note: Google ALL the flowers I mention in the fic, for the sake for sexy nature DO IT.

The Erotica Hugica Universal Plant Show was a rare thing to come across. The Doctor decided one Wednesday to run Clara there as a 'sorry I landed on next Wednesday not last Wednesday' gift.

Sadly as usually thing went wrong, as they were wandering the endangered planet section a couple of young boys from some species the Doctor had mentioned earlier barrelled into the pair and sent them flying into one of the displays. This resulted in a lot of shouting, a horrible urge to touch herself and quite a bit of sneezing and yelling as people dashed away from the plume of pollen that flew in the air.

As security appeared the pair made a dash for the TARIDS, Clara made it back to the ship first and spun to see the TimeLord not far behind her. Though her eyes were not on his face.

If anyone never made a pendulum joke to her ever again she would be thankful because from the wobble and jiggle see was watching she began to wonder if the TimeLord knew what a jockstrap was, because for the sake of her thought process and innocent lady mentality he needed to wear something to prevent, what he was carrying between his legs, from knocking someone the hell out!

Once inside the ship she ran for the bathroom pulling her clothes off as she went listening as the Doctor followed behind her scooping up the discarded clothing and making comments about sex plants and fucking demands from his ship about cleaning up after himself.

Clara was at boiling point, she needed a hard fuck or at least those long dexterous fingers of the Doctor, just something to reach that one spot up her cunt that was driving her mad.

"Doctor! Hurry!" Clara moaned as she continued to hump the shower head.

Fucking plants and there fucking sex pollen, why did he think to take her round that garden planet.

Never mind, they'd now been banned anyway for having fallen into the display of endangered Amaranthus dick flowers and been covered from head to toe in the purple dust of its great bulbous stamens.  

"I feel like Mick Jagger" The Doctor growled as he yanked his jumped over his head trying to shake the worst of the dust off, dropping it aside before literally ripping off his T-shirt and tossing it in the bin the ship had poofed up.

"I thought you'd you said the flowers on the cacti were the only thing toxic??" she shouted through the stream of water that was now cascading down her back as she put the shower head back and began to finger herself roughly desperate to relieve the itch the pollen had caused in her knickers.

Bad day to have worn a skirt.

"I don't think I've been affected...I don't feel anything" he shouted back padding over to her with his eyes covered determined not to peek at her naked.

Clara opened her eyes from washing her hair and just gawped.

From the size of the erection that was now straining in his trousers he had been more than affected.

Something about the sight of him aroused made her blood surge with endorphins and she was out of the shower jumping him, pulling him into a sloppy kiss as they fell against the wall.

"Clara! Wha-OH!"

She grasped at the erection making him gasp in surprise and took the opportunity to go back to plundering his mouth with her tongue.

"Come on Doctor...don't tell you don't want to walk around sporting THAT all day" she smirked nipping at his ear with a purr and she felt him swallow.

"I-I-um...did you like the Scleroderma citrinum's? You were right they did look like bottoms..."

She began to stroke him slowly though the material watching as centimetres by centimetre of his iron will began to break, his hips bucking forward into her hand and soon enough his arms were around her and grasping at her small peachy backside.

"The Mucuna pruriens were soft..." she giggled into his chest as she remembered reaching out to stroke the long furry outer sheaths.

"Not as soft as mine..." The TimeLord teased his voice low and gravely, accent becoming thicker and Clara blushed.

"Clara...you...I haven't-"

Placed a finger to his lips shushing him before kissing him sweetly again. "I know...let's just go slowly...I'm burning up here as it is, at least we can both get relief this way" she smirked dropping to her knees in front of him.

"I'll take you to see the Aquarium planet tomorrow if you fancy...they have phallus fish..." The Doctor chuckled as he watched Clara touching herself as she unzipped his fly.

"That sounds naughty" she smirked teasing her finger's inside the fly feeling for his boxers and finding he was commando. She dropped her hands wanting him to show her.

"They are...they literally look like someone's 'appendage' come to life..."

Clara watched as he closed his eyes and began to undo the button of his trousers leaning closer desperate to take him in her mouth, he whipped open the material like some stripper giving a groan of satisfaction of the freedom only for his cock to fly out and smack Clara in the face with such a firm force that she kneeled over unconscious.

The Doctor stood there, holding his pants in one hand and gesturing at his erection with the other, "Beautiful isn't? I bet no human male has a...cock, this nice...that's what you call them right? Cocks? Clara why are you asleep? did the pollen wear off?" he asked as she lay still on the floor.

He crouched down to scoop her into his arms and shook her lightly. "Clara, I know my cocks bigger than an average male but no need to pass out on me love! It's not a snake, it doesn't bite...Clara?"

Seeing as his companion had decide for an impromptu nap he left her in her room and went about googling dirty nature and filming it so he could spend some time 'admiring' and warming up his ramrod. Clara would enjoy watching his show in the morning with breakfast.


End file.
